Finding Gratitude When You Don't Feel Grateful
It's that time of year again! The porch signs are out, the graphic T-shirts are on, and the cute Instagram memes are abundant. The same sentiment echoes throughout: "Grateful. Thankful. Blessed." Before I go any further, please know I have a hand towel engraved with this seasonal sentiment, so I'm not dissing its significance. In truth, it's a beautiful and rhythmic sentiment. It evokes a sense of joy, security, and warm and fuzzy feelings. Unless, of course, it doesn't. You may be walking through a season where this sentiment doesn't resonate with your current situation. Or, maybe you're walking through a season where you want to put out a sign, wear a T-shirt, and post a meme that says something more like, "Weary. Mournful. Stressed." For you, this popular seasonal mantra might induce eye-rolls, feelings of anger, or even shame. You might think, "I know I should be grateful…but I'm just not."
The Bible has a great deal to say about ingratitude, and–spoiler alert–none of what it says is admirable. For example, when Jesus miraculously healed ten men with leprosy, only one returned to thank Him. In response to the man's actions, Jesus said, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to praise God…?" (Luke 17:17, NIV). Jesus is disappointed at what has transpired; ten men have been miraculously made well, yet only one returned to show gratitude and give God praise.
We read in Romans 1:21, "For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened" (NIV). The natural world reveals God's power, but sin has hardened the minds of the unsaved. They certainly knew God, but layers of depravity shrowded their knowledge of him. An appropriate response to God would have been one of thanksgiving. When we realize our debt to a loving God, we can appreciate the tremendous beauty he has given us in life. Therefore, gratitude for all He has done for us is an expectation of His, as it shows Him our faithfulness.
But even as believers, what if we struggle to see the goodness of God? What if we don't feel grateful at times? I remember my first Thanksgiving season after losing my daughter. She passed on October 11th, 2016, and the following month was a national holiday emphasizing thanksgiving and gratitude. Talk about a spiritual conundrum. I can recall the visceral feeling of bitterness anytime I even heard the word gratitude. I didn't feel grateful, nor did I feel blessed. Instead, I felt cheated, betrayed, and abandoned. How was I supposed to give thanks when so much had already been taken from me? I soaked up those feelings of ingratitude and doubled down on them. It became my battle cry of the season… I would be anti-Thanksgiving, both literally and figuratively.
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I'm sure many would say that my feelings of ingratitude were justifiable. On the hand, I would agree with them, but only to a certain extent. You see, thanklessness wasn't the primary source of my problem. It was a symptom that branched from the root of my suffering and loss. I was deeply hurt and filled with sorrow, neither of which were sins against God. The problem was this: I hadn't surrendered those feelings to Him. I didn't even want to talk to Him. Instead, I held tightly onto my pain, resulting in Satan entering the picture. Let me tell you, when the enemy gets in between us and our communication with God; he twists our deepest struggles into ungratefulness.
Consider the attitude of Israelites during their wilderness experience. They were infamous for their ingratitude towards God, and by the way, this was the same God who had just delivered them from generational slavery and suffering. They even went so far as to say their suffering in Egypt was better than freedom under God's rule and loving care in the wilderness. We see this narrated for us in Exodus 16:3, "If only we had died by the Lord's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death" (NIV). At first glance, the Israelites' griping appears to be in response to a lack of food and provision. However, I would argue that their complaint against God and his servant, Moses, was rooted in fear and a lack of trust. Fear of starvation. Fear of something different. Fear of the unknown. What if the Israelites went first to God with their fears instead of allowing them to fester into ingratitude? What if I had gone to God first with my deep hurt and anger instead of allowing space for Satan to manipulate my feelings resulting in ingratitude? Remember, our God is a God of kindness and understanding. Where there is a lack of gratitude, our heavenly Father has an abundance of grace. Where there is deep hurt, he has a balm of relief.
If you currently find yourself in a season where feeling grateful is a struggle, let me propose that your feelings of ingratitude most likely didn't start that way. Instead, these feelings probably began as something completely different, more innocent. Before you give Satan space to place a wedge between your struggle and your heavenly Father, be intentional and aware of your feelings. Then, act swiftly by placing ALL of them into His loving hands. Ask for the Holy Spirit to intercede if you feel stuck or your heart feels blocked. Petition your friends, family, and those around you to pray on your behalf. God is rich in mercy and will hear their prayers!
Always remember, at the end of the day, God cares so deeply for you and wants every part of your life brought under his loving care. We read in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (NIV). Notice God's word doesn't command you to give thanks FOR all circumstances. Your heavenly Father knows how difficult life is in this sinful world, and His endless grace, understanding, and love for you are always available, especially when you're suffering. Instead, the command to give thanks reminds us that despite the pain of the world around us, we always have something for which we can give God thanks.
As my pastor says, "Jesus has already taken care of our greatest need." And that, sisters, is our need for deliverance from sin, for eternity with Him. No matter what we endure on this earth, we can always find reassurance that our pain is temporary and our reward is imminent. Praise God! Give Him thanks for all He has done, for He is good. Cry out to Him and give Him the root of your pain; He can grow branches of healing, for He is good and faithful!
